Feeding A Baby From Day One

Feeding a baby was sort of the last thing on my mind in preparing to be a mother. I was ready for sleep challenges, for crying… I was completely unaware of the extent of challenges we could face in just getting this baby fed, if I’m being honest!

Because I had a couple of breast surgeries (one reduction, lift and augmentation at age 23 and one explant at age 35 - see here for more info on this), I was prepared to have some trouble breastfeeding. I knew there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be able to. And all things considered, I’d say I did a bit better than I expected to. However, we faced numerous challenges getting Hugo fed comfortably. Here is how it all went down for us.

Hugo was born a healthy weight of 7lb 9 oz. I found breastfeeding challenging for the first few days, as most new moms do. I certainly couldn’t tell how much milk he was getting. When the midwives weighed him on day 4, he had lost 10% of his weight. This, too, can be common, but the midwives do want to be cautious. If the baby gets to a 10% or greater loss, they may recommend supplementing with 30ml of formula at each feed, and this is what we were recommended to do.

Within a few days, his weight was coming back up very well, and so we were advised by a different midwife that we could then remove the formula again and carry on. Well, in came a confusing event. I remember distinctly on day 8, I began to cut back his formula. I also had a few slices of pizza for dinner. This is relevant because to this day I’m not sure if it was the cheese, the tomato sauce, or the drop in calories that caused this - but Hugo ended up hysterical for most of day 9. He wailed and wailed, broke out in full-body rash, and barely slept. For a newborn, this was alarming. The rash kept spreading and finally around 6pm we decided we didn’t want to chance anything and went to emergency.

For brevity’s sake, I’ll skip some of the details of this horrible emergency experience. In short, we were turned away everywhere and told to get to Sick Kids. Guillermo couldn’t come in with us - I had to be the one despite having a minor panic attack, because I had the only means with which to feed Hugo (my breasts). We were put in a hot room. I didn’t have any diapers, and neither did they. The nurse was harsh with me when I asked for one, saying they did not provide them. Nor did they provide water to drink, not even to breastfeeding new mothers. I stayed in this room from 8pm to 5:30 am, Hugo screaming. He had to have a catheter put in for testing, more screaming. We went from roasting hot to freezing cold, no blankets. We were checked on about once every 1.5 hours. Just another little story for the pandemic experience, I guess. The result of this visit was “We don’t know what the rash is from. Go home and monitor it.”

I kind of had to tap into my gut, and I wondered if Hugo had gone into a panic from the drop in calories when we removed the formula. I worried that he wasn’t getting enough milk from me. I decided we’d move from a syringe of formula to bottles, and continue to supplement every feed. I wasn’t taking any more chances. I also worried that he had CMPA (cow’s milk protein allergy). He did continuously react, in the form of gas and stomach pain when I would consume dairy, so I wrote it off pretty early. If you’ve ever experienced an innocent baby in pain, you know you no longer want to take ANY chances of providing something that could be the cause of that pain.

Next we entered many months of horrible gas pains, colic (an umbrella term for what is basically unexplained excessive crying, see my other post here on that experience), green feces (a sign of allergy) and my agony in trying to pinpoint the causes of the problems. We bounced around trying different formulas - from cow’s milk then to soy (NOPE!), then to a goat milk European formula. Hugo was slowly rejecting breastfeeding during the day, and preferring bottles ever since that hospital visit. This resulted in me pumping 3x / day or more, to try to derive as much milk as possible for his bottle feeds. I wanted Hugo to consume mostly breastmilk, but I could never quite produce enough, probably because both of us fell back on the formula out of fear too early on. Maybe I could have produced more if we had stuck it out a few more days, but after the rash breakout I was just too afraid to risk him not getting enough.

So, we ended up doing a combination of: accepting donated breast milk from other mothers who overproduced, an organic goat milk formula, and as much of my own pumped milk as I could muster. And the word “muster” is probably an understatement for the aggression I applied to this task. I was constantly chasing his appetite.

I ate the milk-production cookies, I got a tincture from my naturopath, I eventually went on Domperidone at the max dose (9 pills / day) just to make enough. The pills did finally work, or perhaps a combination of the cookies, drinks and pills - to this day, I have no idea. Something was increasing my production, and I didn’t want to risk it dropping so I just kept doing all of the things. Ummm, it sucked. That feeling — that pressure. If I had a low pump session, it would put me in such a bad mood. If I had a higher pump session, I would feel so proud. I was constantly evaluating what I was eating, what I might be doing wrong or right. It’s ridiculous, as I’m revisiting it all! And sure, I would have just put Hugo on all formula had his stomach been able to manage it. But he would spit up more, have more discomfort and constipation when we did.

Guillermo just walked in as I’m writing this and asked why I look so stressed - haha.

Here we are now at 9 months. A little over a month ago, I stopped pumping. I weaned off the pills, stopped eating the damn cookies and my milk production came down to a halt. With tremendous gratitude, we continue to collect donated milk from overproducing mothers, and Hugo’s bottles are about half donated milk and half formula now. Only 3 more months to go, and this wild journey will be over.

I wanted to share this rather complicated experience because breastfeeding, or FEEDING, no matter what route you choose can be incredibly hard. It can be overwhelmingly stressful. And that stress, especially as I look back on it now, can be very toxic and such a spoil to what is in so many ways one of the most beautiful experiences of life. Growing with, and growing a new baby.

Nothing is as simple as it seemed ahead of having a baby. None of it. But, and I really do mean this, the highs are the highest I’ve ever felt and the feeling of being a mother outweighs anything I imagined life had in store for me. Through my fatigue, I am grateful for this every day.

A Rested Baby!

I want to share our journey with Hugo’s sleep habits.

I’d like to start by mentioning that you never know what kind of mother you’re going to be. I love structure and control. I’m a personal trainer - duh. I assumed I’d be back at work after 6 weeks, after Hugo. That we’d follow a sleeping plan. That I’d be able to dial down my emotions to follow a system that would make our lives easier. Well… Here I am at almost 9 months postpartum. I can’t imagine leaving Hugo for full days, and I really succumbed to my tenderness and let the baby take the lead for the most part of motherhood. As an aside, parenting will absolutely present you with the challenge and change that you will recognize, perhaps in retrospect, that you deeply need.

So. Here I was thinking Hugo would be in his crib in his room after a few weeks. And low and behold, we co-slept for 6.5 months. You begin to learn as a mother that your gut is your strongest attribute. You have to move along in a way that feels right for you. Dial down the outside noise, turn up that gut volume. I don’t have any regrets about sleeping beside Hugo for 6.5 months. It worked for us… until it simply didn’t. Sure, I was feeding too often during the night. He was waking frequently. In the beginning, your magic hormones somehow have you powering through your days on very little sleep and not terribly affected. But I guess they start to dwindle, that and the whole frequent-feeding-on-demand system feels no longer necessary, and just like a habit. I knew he wasn’t needing these feeds, and it was time to start to establish a better routine.

I didn’t know where to start. There are dozens of reputable specialists and programs to choose from. But from my experience, purchasing a high-profile plan does not work well for me. I wanted to speak with a human, I wanted a customized path. An adaptive, empathetic approach.

(A client couriered me the Taking CaraBabies manual, but I stopped reading at “your child may cry for 140 minutes the first or second night.” Much thanks to him, but it just wasn’t right for us.)

I needed a grey area between crying it out and co-sleeping. I needed my approach to align with my gut, but with professional direction. I didn’t want an e-book, and I didn’t want a full on consultant who comes and takes over, and costs in the thousands. I posted on the Rebel Mamas Facebook Group and got more responses than I could manage to investigate.

Maila of Sleep Secrets wrote me a message, and her introduction touched on the details I was after. Little to no stress for the baby. No crying it out. It is perfectly doable. Here are my packages. “This is the one for us,” I decided.

We had an introduction call, and had instant rapport. She was calm and confident, and clearly experienced. She aligned with my feelings about keeping stresses low and transitions courteous. She knew I wanted to be responsive, for Hugo to know we were always there and he didn’t just have to figure this out on his own. We chose a $250 package that featured a customized plan and 4 weekly phone calls.

We filled out a questionnaire answering all about our current routine and habits, as well as outlining our goals.

We had been:

• winging it!

• no solid bedtime / sleep routine

• skipping a third nap, following Hugo’s lead (he didn’t know what he needed!)

• waiting for his evening energy to die down before bed

• co-sleeping

• feeding on demand

Our goals were:

• get him sleeping in his crib

• get him sleeping in his own room

• fewer night wakings

• to feel as little stress and separation as humanly possible

We recruited Maila days before Christmas, and Hugo had his first full night in the crib on Christmas Eve. At my parents’ house, no less! How nice it was for Guillermo and I to wake up Christmas morning having had the bed to ourselves for the first time in about 7 months, and to a very rested, happy baby!

Maila helped us to identify that Hugo’s evening energy was a result of being overtired. His wake windows were too stretched out. By making sure he was tired for bed, we were in fact setting ourselves up for failure. The more rested the baby is, the better the baby rests. Hugo needed customized wake windows because he tends to need more sleep in the first half of the day. But by adding this third nap back in, following recommended wake windows to a tee and establishing a solid wake routine, we saw a complete change in our baby.

Before every nap and every bedtime, we read 3 books to Hugo, turn on the sound machine and sing 2-3 songs. Because of the wake windows, we found his sweet spots for naps and sleep and the process worked surprisingly seamlessly. I believe that by having co-slept for so long, we established a great feeling of security and stability in our son. He was happy, confident and felt safe. So when we transitioned into promoting independent sleep, he felt ready.

By two weeks, Hugo was sleeping in his crib, in his own room.

These days, he is going to bed between 6pm-7pm, and waking once for a feed around 4-5am. I am okay with this, as I think it’s difficult for most people to go 12 hours without a feed, let alone tiny, rapidly-growing humans! He is using a soother to get to sleep. This is another “sleep crutch”, but one I didn’t feel right taking away. I tried for two naps one day, and he was choke-crying wondering why such a sudden change. He is still a wee guy who seeks some extra comfort, while sleeping alone in a crib and alone in a room. We left the soother for now, and just hope we won’t have a terrible time removing it at a later date. He often spits it out after falling asleep, but does pop it back in when he wakes throughout the night. Again, Maila can coach to having zero night feeds at this age and to avoiding the use of a soother, but she worked within our comfort level with zero judgments about what we preferred to do.

Recently, Hugo has started transitioning to 2 daily naps and I had no bloody idea how to shuffle things around. After a couple of clumsy, disorderly and grouchy-baby days, I got on a follow-up call with Maila and she ironed out our windows and plan for us again. Boom - it worked.

This is our experience so far with Hugo’s sleep. I can’t stress enough how dramatically his personality changed when he started sleeping better. When he’s grouchy, I have an underlying stress and difficulty getting through the days. When he’s rested and relaxed, life is a dream. If you’re feeling a bit stuck or stumped, I definitely recommend reaching out for some professional guidance.

Happy baby, happy life. For real.

Swap The Crash Diet

By now, many people who started a crash diet a week ago are already feeling bored, antsy or frustrated. Any diet that restricts foods that are otherwise nutritious naturally ignite our impatience, because intuitively we know we should be able to eat that them. Maybe you’re on keto craving oats, maybe you’re intermittent fasting just wanting an orange and a couple almonds in your stomach in the morning. And suddenly, you’re feeling that something is “bad” or “off limits”, even though your gut knows better! Crash diets lead to a lack of harmony in the mind and body.

So if you’re starting to teeter, or to feel a bit edgy, consider this my permission to ease out of your crash diet. There’s a better way to drop some excess body fat, and it’ll fill you right up.

I’ve been counselling eating habits for almost 20 years now, and my approach does not fail when followed consistently. It’s flexible, it’s nutritious, holistic and energizing. Because your mood and energy levels MATTER. Sustainability MATTERS. You want to be the best version of yourself, in both the short and longterm, and not turn into a monster for a smaller waistline. Don’t torture yourself and your family with these wild diets!

Here are my tips:

1. Lemon water in the morning - preferably warm.

2. Produce during every snack and every meal, opting for more veg than fruit (produce = good carbs!).

3. Adding a starchier carb (such as grain or potato) at 2-3 snack/meals, perhaps not ALL.

4. Good quality protein at every snack or meal.

5. Good quality fats at every snack or meal.

6. Focus on whole foods vs. convenience foods, and those that naturalyl do not include top allergens: soy, wheat, dairy, corn. This doesn’t mean avoid these foods at all costs, just focus on the OTHER foods more. Put them onto the front burner, so that these inflammatory foods don’t have as much of a space to disrupt you.

Now, part of the process is learning what foods belong in what categories.

Here is a simple breakdown of how I lump foods:

1. Pulses / Legumes / Beans: part protein part starch

2. Grains: starchy carbs

3. Veg & Fruit: non starchy carbs

4. Meat & Eggs: protein, some are part fat part protein (fattier cuts of meat and fish like salmon)

5. Nuts & Seeds: Some higher protein than others - mostly fats.

Examples of balanced meals & snacks:

1. Oats with flax & collagen (for fats & protein, respectively), 1/2 cup of berries for high fibre carbs

2. Two egg omelette, cooked in 1 tsp avocado oil with grated zucchini, sliced tomato and chopped spinach

3. Salad made with chopped massaged kale, 1/2 cup of quinoa or rice, roasted peppers, chopped chicken and homemade olive oil based dressing.

4. Salmon cooked in lemon, salt & pepper, roasted broccoli, 1/2 sweet potato.

5. Apple, 3 turkey slices wrapped around 3 slices of avocado.

6. Cucumber, carrots, peppers with 2 T hummus.

7. Chicken breast, spinach sautéed in avocado oil with sea salt, roasted squash.

8. Chili made with ground turkey, 2 kinds of beans, 2 colours of peppers and a can of tomatoes.

9. Peppers stuffed with quinoa, ground beef, spinach and a small handful of chopped nuts (baked).

10. Halibut or other white fish served with avocado & mango salsa, 1/2 cup of wild rice and sautéed spinach.

If you eat this way the majority of the time, your body will be getting such quality nutrition that it will be able to handle more indulgent items twice a week or so. So, you don’t have to swear off cheeseburgers, or pizza, or anything! Just slip them in from time to time, but opting for these energy-boosting, high nutrient meals on the regular.

The rest will take care of itself - and that goest for whatever your goals may be. Muscle-building, heart health, hormone stabilizing, fat loss, better moods, better energy - happiness. You will be satiated, not hungry - happy.

I hope this helps! I want you well!

A Better Way to Resolve

It’s resolution season. Whether you make them this time of year, throughout the year or not at all, there is something to be said for making CHANGE. And there is a better way to do it.

The name of my company was / is (I haven’t fully ditched it, despite using my own name more dominantly) The Change Training. Because I believe that change is the only constant, it happens no matter what, and it’s best to get behind the wheel and learn how to steer your change. I want to write about the most important part of steering your change.

Typically, when people want change it comes from a negative place. Feeling groggy or heavy perhaps, maybe feeling overfat. Maybe it’s simply being too self-critical, or feeling low in confidence. A lack of strength. Either way, getting healthier does help all of these things, but I don’t believe reflecting on the negative feelings and / or habits is the best way to go about it.

It is the season of “no more bread!” or “no more booze!” or “no more sugar!”

So here’s the thing. There is NO SHAME in wanting to feel better. You have every right to acknowledge that you’re feeling uncomfortable, and to want to make the most of your time in this life. The self-love movement has gotten to a place where we sometimes feel like we can’t so much as mention fat loss or physical motivations. But how you feel in your body affects how you feel in your life, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest with yourself about that. You have the right to feel better. To feel more comfortable, stronger and better aligned. Health resolutions are great. Of course they are! Because getting stronger and healthier can have the biggest return on investment you will ever experience in this life.

You do NOT have to get there by dwelling on your habits that got you feeling uncomfortable in the first place. You do not have to list off all of the things that you’ve been overdoing (overeating, overdrinking, overlazy-ing- whatever they may be) in order to make change. You certainly don’t have to say anything negative about yourself in the process. In fact, I prefer you wouldn’t. Real self love is being honest, and then looking at opportunity to be feel your best.

Fill up your time and your headspace on listing off the feelings that you want to move into. A stronger core, better posture, a clearer mind, and importantly - higher confidence. List off the benefits that getting healthier will bring to your life.

If you spend more time focusing on what you’re cutting out, and feeling badly about past behaviour, it won’t leave you the energy and the brainspace to keep all the wonderful reasons for getting healthier to strongly move you forward toward it.

This year, why don’t you try the following:

Write a very honest list about all the positive outcomes you will experience from getting healthier.

Ditch the list about what to ditch, there won’t even be room to worry about it and to add that ounce of discouragement to soil up your path. (Discouragement is the number one thing that will slow you down - I’ve seen this thousands of times in my work.)

Write down everything you are about to gain.

• a clearer head, more energy

• fresh, clear skin

• the confidence and self belief to go after more

• more supple joints, more mobile days

• more happiness, purely

• the strength to squat down with and lift up your child

• the energy to partake in more recreational activities outdoors

• the peace of mind of warding off illness

• the peace of mind of warding off debilitating injury

• compassion and spreading more positivity (for real, it does this well!)

• setting a wonderful example for those around you

• fitting better in all of your clothes - yes, you’re allowed to be excited about that!

There is nothing more exciting than this kind of change. These kinds of outcomes. I’m sure you can add dozens of things specific to you to this list.

You only live once, as far as we know. You deserve to get the very most out of this life. Stop feeling badly, stop being hard on yourself. There’s no need to cut so much out when you are adding so much good stuff in - it will sidle out that which no longer serves you much more efficiently than your feeling badly about it.

Happy 2021, I wish you the very, very best for this upcoming year.

I think we are going to see some big surges in creativity, in resilience, in quality of time among our communities after such a hard 2020. I love you.

My Relationship with my Fitness at 6 Months Postpartum

Well, this is a bit of a complicated one.

In the interest of being completely honest, my comfort level with fitness and my body has been a bit staggered. I can feel attempted surges and drops. I’ve been working hard at keeping the teeter totter in the middle - not being too disappointed in how things feel or where I’m at, while I’m also not having the satisfying hard blasts of workouts I used to, either.

My endorphins don’t rush the way they used to after a workout. Mostly, the work is hard as I try to get my left side keeping up with my right. It’s hard work to put my shoulders where they’re supposed to go, as they’re so rounded carrying 19.5-pound Hugo for several hours a day. It’s hard work focusing on my pelvic floor and prolapse, breathing well and accepting a more limited range of motion in most movements. I fatigue faster, because of the lack of sleep and extra ten pounds. And when the workout is finished, I feel somewhat satisfied. Not on top of the world, as I used to.

So, I am at six months. I will say I’ve done very well at making consistent efforts to move. Not moving is not an option for me. I do make fitness a priority at least 5-6 days a week, because it’s part of my identity. It’s one of the things that makes me the happiest - this focus and this work. My mental health already declines after too many days off in a row (for example, I can feel a drop in mood and an increase in needless anxiety after even 3 days of no movement).

Now. I talk a lot about how fitness and great nutrition make people feel. I don’t talk very much about fat loss, or changing aesthetics, except for privately with clients when it is important to them. I do this for a reason: first of all, changing aesthetics is not a goal for everyone, and I think it can be damaging for fitness teachers to assume that it is. Most people want to change how they feel, but wanting to change how you look before wanting to change how you feel can be risky for some. I’ll elaborate: The way we see ourselves has been manipulated, based on absorbing a lot of unrealistic images such as airbrushing and filters. So, self-esteem is already fragile in this comparison game. When I talk about goals, I focus on the outcome of feel and health, because your appearance will change. It’s a given. You will be stronger, glowier, and likely carrying a different body shape. Just as during an exercise that is quad-dominant, I may ask you to think instead about your glutes and core so that your hips find the right position. You’ll feel your quads no matter what, no need to think about them! So, no need to discuss aesthetic change often, and further the discord many people already have with their looks.We need to control where the brain goes for optimal health.

I will admit that adjusting to my different appearance has felt more difficult on some days. My face is rounder, my arms are bigger (not with muscle!) with the 8-10lbs I’m still carrying after baby. Honestly, I don’t care about the number on the scale. But sometimes, you can feel less like yourself when your appearance shifts and then stays shifted for a while. I’m working on this. Sometimes, because I too am prone to society’s pressures (I’m human, and the pressures are long-standing and aggressive), I have to resort to how I may coach a client. —> “It’s okay to feel like you want to change. It’s okay to want to feel better. You must, however, self-motivate from a positive space. Do not speak negatively to or about yourself. Be aware of how you may feel when your habits change, when your strength improves, and look forward to how that improvement feels.”

My relationship with fitness at the moment can be summed up by feeling grateful for every amount of movement I get in. Some days it is a 12 minute run. Some days I spin, never longer than 20 minutes. Some days (the best days) I get 30 minutes of heart-pumping, body-shaping and strength-boosting resistance training in. Some days I do 25 minutes of pilates during one of Hugo’s naps. The variety is beautiful and invigorating. No matter how little sleep I’ve had, I feel better after moving my blood around and shifting my focus into progress in my physical body. Every little extra bit of strength I gain, the better I feel about how my appearance has shifted.

The fat loss, in this last window of it, may be slow. I won’t restrict my food, I eat well and my body needs more grub to get through these sleep deprived days and to keep my milk supply up to feed my child. My brain needs frequent meals to function!

Being earnest with ourselves about how we feel stuck in the middle of both the body love movement and society’s incessant pressures is smart. From awareness, we gain power and control. It is the first step in respecting yourself. There’s no shame in recognizing the pull of both, and working on where you are today and where you’d like to be.

I respect my body. I accept where it is. I value everything it is able to do, and I enjoy the process of gaining more abilities. I am not perfect when it comes to a positive body image, as I do want to look better to feel better, as well as feel better to look better.

Ultimately, the main project is to become comfortable in the “try”. We are forever trying to do and be better, that’s what life is. Whether it be to be more socially conscious, more kind, to learn more… to be stronger. And to be kinder to ourselves.

It’s all forever a process.

My List of Pick-Me-Ups

It’s been a while.

I’ve just been momming, training, and covid-ing. Surfing the ups and downs of life’s new strangeness. Amid this surfing, I’ve hit some stagnant waters where things feel a bit blah. Whenever I hit tricky spots, mentally, I get something great out of it: a collection of ideas that help in either tiny or larger ways to boost my mood.

I decided to compile a list of the things that either perk me up or contribute to motivating me. Toward anything at all.

Now just a warning, some of these things are shallow, but even those ones help. Changing your nail colour helps you feel polished and changes your mood a wee bit! Hell, we need to do whatever we can these days to feel a bit “normal” - I’ve hesitated to use that word in any capacity in the last seven months.

✌🏼Manicures and pedicures at home. A colour change is a quick refresh!

✌🏼Walks outside with baby, dogs or both - rain or shine! It really helps.

✌🏼Planning my workouts, incorporating variety. Sometimes I do my own strength workouts, sometimes I do pilates mixed with cardio from videos, sometimes yoga, sometimes I jump on the Peloton. The variety is key for keeping fitness feeling fresh and exciting.

✌🏼Cleaning. Am I nuts? Cleaning and arranging things at home gives me the satisfaction of progress, and checking things off a list at the end of the day. When the big picture stuff isn’t changing much, progress even in small ways helps. Tidying and organizing is very psychologically uplifting.

✌🏼Fitness magazines! They bring me back to high school when I used to DEVOUR new issues and try out every single exercise. Flipping through them is now filed away as an indulgent evening activity for me.

✌🏼Music. With the baby, I sometimes forget about my biggest and deepest love pre-Hugo. Again, the variety is really key here. Some days we blast the blues, some days jazz, some days electronic and a lot of days, classic hip hop. It really revitalizes me, and anything revitalizing makes me a much better mother. For real.

✌🏼Online shopping - although this is a bit of a problem I’m working on. Ha! Ran out of handsoap? Yay, I have to place an order, add a few other things in and look forward to the surprise package when I forgot what I purchased. At least I’m honest?

✌🏼Now more constructive: art. Making a list of hobbies I want to resurrect really energizes me. On this list, charcoal drawings (my favourite, but tricky for a lefty due to the smudging!) and picking the guitar back up. I ordered a chord book and a tuning fork back in the spring, but then along came baby… Now it’s time to strum well for him AND for me.

✌🏼Cooking. This had felt like more of a burden since having a baby, but now that he’s more alert and happy to entertain himself more often, I’ve been enjoying picking it back up. I choose quick and easy, opting instead to memorize methods and experiment, rather than to slave over a recipe list slowly. Sometimes I make errors, but I take away from them and learn. When we learn this way, we don’t ever unlearn! I expect to be a much better cook in the coming months 😏

✌🏼In my spare time I look at homeshares and fantasize about living in another part of the world. Costa Rica and Spain are my two fave destinations (so far), so I peruse listings and imagine how me could pull this off. The dogs are a deterrent at the moment, but hopefully one day Hugo will be able to run around in another country speaking Spanish fluently. Perusing future possibilities helps to keep me feeling brightened up.

✌🏼Working is of course helping a great deal. Seeing my clients’ faces, even via zoom, and having conversations about health and life give me a lot of purpose. Anytime I can be of help, toward anything at all, boosts me up. This is my livelihood. Although I’m not working even 50% of what I was pre-baby and pre-covid, my work thoroughly makes me happy.

✌🏼Hugo. This one probably goes without saying. Watching him explore the world, oblivious to current political difficulties and with unbridled joy is really a godsend - unsure of whether I use that word figuratively or literally, it doesn't matter. I’m grateful every second of every day for Hugo’s baby magic. I’ll never stop working on my own optimism, not for my own sake but especially for his.

The world will have more positive surges and upturns. It will.

For now, this list of perks both shallow and deep will do me just fine, chugging along in this sweet life.

What’s on your list of pick-me-ups?

*This post was written the morning of Nov. 4th, when I was feeling quite pessimistic about the outcome of the American election which of course affects how we treat each other, how we treat the planet… Yes, it stretches far beyond the American border. I have a glimmer of hope, now. But we will see. At least I have this list, this reminder.

We never stop working toward a better life and a better world, in whatever capacity we can.

Our "Colic" Fixes

For about a month, Hugo had these bouts of the hardest crying I have ever witnessed. It would last about two hours, every night around or after 6pm, and he was unconsolable. We tried everything I could think of.

“Colic” is an umbrella term that refers to hard crying lasting 3 hours or longer. It does not explain the source of the crying, the emotion involved, or the discomfort. Another term for it is “purple crying.” (Accurate, as their faces almost turn purple.) My niece, a preemie nurse sent me this article about purple crying, meant to help us feel better in that a) he won’t hurt himself and b) we were not doing anything wrong. It was helpful, but I still felt uncomfortable accepting that given how common babies are (uhhh we’ve all been one, so many of us have or will have them), we understand so little about these frantic expressions of discontentment.

I read about 100 articles. I searched and searched every chance I got for any new information. How can we have so many solutions to so many things in life, and not this agony? Watching your sweet baby scream until his eyes are red is a certain form of hell.

Now, the biggest thing I’ve learned while being a mother in this short time is that no one thing that works for one mother works for every mother. So although the community and the forums share their tips, it doesn’t mean they will work for your baby. Every baby is so vastly different, and the grey area of baby care is the most vast area of real life I’ve ever witnessed. Truly. It is the least black and white area of all. THERE ARE NO TRUE ANSWERS that you don’t have to try out, flop around with, fail with some and hopefully win at a few, too.

That said, I’m going to share what attempts we made to soothe his crying spells. On some nights, some of these things worked. Some of the nights, none of these things worked. I cycled through all of my “solutions” until something clicked. After visiting the naturopath and sticking Hugo on a homeopathic, the pattern more or less stopped. Coincidence? Who knows. But at 12.5 weeks, Hugo no longer has this habitual crying attack in the evenings.

1) I made a playlist of cello or piano music, brought us to a dim-lit room and tried to soothe him with side-lying feeding. It makes sense that the colic was spurred, on some days, from a complete overwhelm or overstimulation. Every day things are brand new for a developing baby, and the parents are the only reassuring constant. Imagine living in a world where your stability shifts every single day? Your vision changes and sharpens, shapes appear… How terrifying. Having a ritual of soothing music, the mother’s scent and warmth, and fresh food proved a helpful interruption to his upset.

2) Guillermo would lightly bounce on a stability ball in the evenings. We still do this sometimes. With my prolapse, I sit this out. It also allows us to share the duties - essential because the crying is so exasperating, and both parents will need a break to recollect their cool.

3) Speaking of keeping your cool, this is a point of its own. On days where I felt more stress, discomfort in my body, anxiety of any kind, Hugo’s crying was noticeably more intense. Pass him to the more calm parent, and work on easing your own psychological discord to bring down the baby’s intensity. Trust me, you’ll benefit too, so do the work for yourself.

4) Obviously, gut pain is a real thing for babies. We did a lot of playing around with what he was consuming to make sure it was optimal and he wasn’t too agonized by gas. My milk production is mediocre, so figuring out feeding took quite a while. The balance we eventually struck was: I take domperidone and eat lactation cookies to boost production/speed, and pump a few bottles per day. I also breastfeed exclusively overnight, so that he’s not chugging bottles and then going right back to sleep (all overnight feeds are dreamfeeds, he doesn’t full wake up). I avoid gluten and dairy - and spicy tomato anything. We learned that the hard way! It was proven time and time again. We’ve supplemented with donor milk for the days when he rejected breasfeeding during the day, preferring bottles - and I couldn’t keep up with him. Since our donor has a bit of dairy, we also kept Holle Goat Milk formula on hand. His allergies and intolerances are still a bit of a mystery, but I’m almost positive now that dairy is a major issue and gluten isn’t awesome, either. I’ve always more or less avoided dairy and gluten, but had some flexibility. Now, I’ve had to become more strict for his sake.

5) My naturopath, Rachel Schwartzman, is a mother of 3, a doula and an absolute natural healthcare wizard. She is supremely experienced and educated. We followed her advice of castor oil belly rubs daily and giving him a homeopathic. The day after we started the homeopathic (crushed up and soaked in milk), the consistent screaming attacks stopped. Seriously. I also drink fennel tea, even though I hate the taste. Anything for Hugo!

6) We take a bath with him! This has been my favourite. A friend recommended this ages ago, and I wasn’t keen to try. It was only when I desperately and unthinkingly turned on the tub tap during a crying episode, noted his IMMEDIATE calm, that we decided to try it. Guillermo did it first. Hugo not only calmed, but delighted in the experience. I now do it every few baths :) and he’s the cutest little guy learning to splash around in there now.

Once you have a screaming baby, you know you will try anything to bring them back to peace & happiness. Just in case any of my ideas may help you, I felt it best to share. If you have any ideas for others, please leave them in the comments section! And best of luck to my fellow parents. This shit is so beautiful, and it’s also no walk in the park!

3 minute makeup

I believe in self acceptance and self love, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have a pretty serious passion for makeup, nail polish, hair colours - all things beauty. I’m a bit obsessed, and I always have been. I love colour, brightness, pick-me-ups and indulgences. Since I was young I was shaping my sisters’ eyebrows, dyeing their hair, doing their makeup. When my friends and I would go out, I would do their makeup. I’ve been doing my own nails FOREVER.

It’s a side of me my fitness followers, clients and other people may not know. Guillermo has learned pretty quickly - I do my nails every few days, I am always looking at makeup online… it’s actually a bit of an issue. But here’s the perk of this potential problem: I’ve tried soooo many products, and I’ve really streamlined my makeup routine.

On most days since Hugo was born, I’ve surrendered to the dark circles, unbrushed hair and half-dead complexion common for those averaging 3-5 hours of sleep for months. But when I have had enough of feeling drab and can snag 3-5 min, slapping some fake glow on my face makes me feel much perkier. It boosts me psychologically, and I tend to have a better day. Criticize away if you must, but I swore I’d be honest in this new blog!

So, here are the products I’ve settled on for boosting my face in 3 minutes on drab days.

HINT: They are almost all high quality and cream-based, gliding on fast and effortlessly with your fingers.

I use Dermalogica skincare, and this moisturizer hydrates deeply so that everything else goes on smoothly.

Dermalogica Intensive Moisture Balance is my go-to, year-round. I use it under eyes too - the concept of the added step of an eye cream irritates me.

I then apply a tinted moisturizer like Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer Natural Skin, OR for days when I need a little more coverage, I use a foundation serum. It Cosmetics CC+ Cream is unreal. You use a tiny, tiny drop and it blends and covers like magic. I have melasma from pregnancy, as you can see in this featured photo, and this CC cream covers it right up, unlike the tinted moisturizer. Both have SPF, and the latter has an SPF of 50.

I splurge on my concealer, because I want something that really, really works for my purple under eyes without effort. I’ve used zillions of concealers to counter my early mornings as a trainer, and now sleepless nights as a mother. I don’t think I’ll ever try another brand after using Cle de Peau Beaute. Bonus: more SPF.

Cream blush is up next. I only started using cream blush this year - and I love this Kosas cream blush palette. It comes sidled with a highlighter - I blot the blush on the apples of the cheeks and blend back just under the cheekbone, and I dab the highlighter above the cheekbone, on the bridge of my nose and under my eyebrows. Poof - brightened.

I rarely wear eyeshadow, but when I do my eyes pop so much better and I look instantly more rested. The key is using a natural shade that still provides some depth. This cream eyeshadow by Bobbi Brown in Nude Beach is the perfect shade for this. It goes on super easily, no fuss, and LASTS.

Oh man, this new eyebrow product has become my favourite thing in my makeup bag. Gimme Brow by Benefit sweeps on quickly, no room for error, and completely changes the way my whole face looks even when used alone. What is it about completed brows that boost your whole face? I sweep once, go back in the opposite direction once, and then realign a third sweep. The product builds some thickness on the brow, or at least the illusion of it. And I LOVE IT. Another area where I have stopped experimenting with other products, forever.

I’ve been using the same mascara for over a decade. And I think I’ve tried them all. I always think I might want to try something richer and more decadent for fun, but without fail every other kind disappoints me. This is the only one that never clumps or flakes. It makes my lashes dark, long, and almost naturally so. You can layer it up while damp for more punch without clump. Clinique Lash Doubling mascara is the bomb. I goes on curled lashes beautifully (I almost always do a 10 second curl / side with a shu uemura eyelash curler) and yes, I am like most in that if I had to choose JUST ONE product in a flash, mascara would be it. This one.

A quick flash of moisturizing natural lip colour: Clinique Chubby Stick in Fuller Fig.

Now, this may sound like a lot of work - but it’s not. Because everything is such nice quality, it glides on fast and foolproof. Practice makes perfect. I don’t use all of these products every day by any means, but the mascara, eyebrow gel and concealer are my top three. Since I started spending a bit more on my chosen selects, I actually spend far less money on cosmetics overall. I used to flop around purchasing things out of being dissatisfied. Because I feel I’ve locked down such a strong & fast routine, I felt I should share for moms or anyone who wants a fresh boost in the beauty world :)

Remember, self acceptance is the most important thing. But we don’t have to be so black and white, I think it’s okay to perk up and have fun with product, too. Do you!